Time to write some of my thoughts...

The Wall of Hands at Shepherd's Field 

 I have really struggled with what to write about our trip. I'm really not sure why. It was a life changing trip for me, and for Jonathan. I guess I just don't know how to put into words how it made me feel, and where my mind goes from here. I'm going to try...

Let me start by talking about Shepherd's Field, where we stayed. It was started over 10 years ago by an American, Christian couple... Tim and Pam Baker. We got to meet and talk with both of them and they are both great, loving, caring people. Tim talked to me for over an hour the first day we were there. He cautioned me about how hard living in China can be and how isolating it can be. He also talked some about dealing with the nannies, and the orphanages, and how their priorities and standards are different than ours. He then went on to encourage us to follow God's plan for our family. How sometimes it takes a leap of faith to do that, and how we must trust God to lead us. After a very long talk, he prayed with Jonathan and I, as well as a few others on his staff. He prayed for our family, and that doors will be opened for us that no man can close. He then included us in their regular morning prayer for the kids, nannies & staff, then thanked God for everything that they have been given. It was a moment I will never forget, and I am grateful to him for going out of his way to talk with us. He also lined up with another "foster home" in the area that we were able to visit.

The love the Baker's have for their kids in their "Children's Village" is undeniable. They have built an amazing place for these kids, and have removed them for horrible situations. Each child has a home to live in, they have around the clock nannies (they work in shifts, and are the same nannies everyday so there is routine and consistancy), they receive 3 meals a day, school, and a warm bed to sleep in. They are cared for the best that the nannies can do.

But here is where I struggle.. Please understand this is just my opinion after being there for only 5 days. I only saw very little, and I don't know if this was the norm. I also want to say that I 100% support Shepherd's Field and what they are doing for these kids. If I had a child in a China orphanage, I would BEG to have them transfered to Shepherd's Field. It is so much better than the orphanages!They have saved most of these kids, literally!  But...... It isn't perfect. The "Children's Village" is big enough that the Bakers have had to let the Nannies kind of run the place, especially when they aren't there. They have put trust in these nannies, maybe a little too much (again, my opinion). We saw a nanny hit a couple of little kids (This I brought to Tim's attention, and he says he will fire this nanny if he can figure out which one it is), we saw a little boy with his hand tied to his crib rail (This I also brought to their attention, and they let me know that this boy tend to hurt himself so they have to restrain him. I get it, but it was still very sad to see.), we saw babies that spend ALL DAY in their cribs, unless we or another visitor happened to come in to hold them. And this is one of the GREAT Childrens' homes! I could go on and on.

I guess what this taught me is that we are never going to 100% be able to save these children. The only thing that can save them, is being adopted!! At Shepherd's Field they are physically cared for, and like I said before have some sort of "bond" with their nannies. But it isn't a family. They aren't treated like family. They aren't loved like family. They do the best that they can there, but it isn't good enough. These kids need a family!!

That being said I still believe that MY FAMILY can make a difference, and I still KNOW that we are being called to China. God has a plan, and we will continue to follow him. Even if we can only make a difference if a couple of children's lives, it will be worth it!! Jeff and I have a lot of talking and praying to do over the next year or so about where to start. I have some ideas, and I'm doing some of my own research to get a feel for what is needed. Please keep us in your prayers to be able to see clearly where we are being led!

On kind of a seperate subject, my boys are being given a hard time lately by some of their friends about why we are going to be moving to China, and our reasons for adopting from China. Kids can be so cruel! My boys are having to defend why their sisters are their sisters, and why they are "Choosing China over the US".  It has really gotten out of hand in the last week or so, so I decided to write a letter to the parents of these "friends". Like I say in the letter, I guess this is what I signed up for when we became an adoptive family, but really? Other people don't have to DEFEND whey their siblings are their siblings. It is ridiculous! Here is the letter I wrote. Let me know what you think!

I guess the boys have been having some pretty intense discussions on the bus and after school about our family, our daughters that are adopted from China, and our plans to move to China to volunteer in an orphanage. The boys have come home upset and frustrated several times over the last several weeks. It is hurtful to them to have to defend our family, and where their sisters are from. They are their sisters, and they love them like their sisters. They don’t understand why they have to explain why we adopted them and why we didn’t adopt other children from the United States, etc. In my opinion, they shouldn’t have to defend why they are their sisters at all, they just are. But this is what we signed up for when we became and adoptive family. I try to give the kids the answers to the questions that they undoubtedly will be asked, but this has gotten hard for them and they have run out of answers, or the answers they have haven’t been good enough.

I am writing to you because I wanted to give you some information about our family, and what our plans are so that maybe you can help your boys to understand. Please know that I am not upset at any of the kids. Kids, as well as a lot of adults don’t understand. I guess it isn’t even that they don’t understand, they just don’t know all of the details and aren’t well informed. I want the kids to understand, and be informed that we are NOT doing this to “support China”, or to “support the families that are killing or abandoning their children” (These are a couple of the things that have been said to the boys). We are doing this because this is where our passion is. Some people are animal advocates, they rescue dogs or horses, or are involved with the ASPCA, etc. Other  people may work with the homeless, or the elderly, or abused women, etc. Everyone finds their passion (that’s what I would hope at least!), and that is what leads them on their life journey. We have been touched by adoption, and it just happens to be China adoption, so that is where our life journey is leading us.

My husband and I tried foster to adopt in the US. We went through certification for it. For reasons that I don’t feel I need to explain, it just wasn’t for us. We found OUR daughters in China, and our lives have forever been changed because of them. Our family, including the boys, will never be the same. Our youngest daughter had scars from being tied to her crib, she has a flat head from laying on her back for 20 months, before we were allowed to come and adopt her. She didn’t know how to play when we brought her home, she had never held a toy. She didn’t cry when she needed something. Babies in China orphanages quickly learn that their cries will not be responded to, so they stop crying. I can go on and on…  The problem is, there are THOUSANDS of other children still over there.  They need to be held, hugged, and loved. It is one thing to know they are out there, but it is another thing to have seen them. Orphans. They have NO ONE! I personally have been changed as a person after seeing this. This, with the combination with my strong faith in God and my belief that we all have a calling to do something with our God given passions, has led me to KNOWING that I need to help these orphans. Even if it is just a few, I believe my family can make a difference in the life of some of these children.

Our goal is to eventually move to China to help out in some of the orphanages over there. We are doing this for the children, not to help out the country of China. We have a lot of planning to do, and we know it is going to be difficult. I can honestly say that I didn’t expect such a negative outlook to be coming from the boys’ friends. I hope my explanation will help in some way. I want to again say, I am not upset with the boys. They are kids, and I don’t expect them to understand. I do hope that they will understand a little better now, and hopefully will be a little more supportive. This is going to be a tough change for all of my kids. They can use all of the support they can get!

Thanks for listening ;-) If you have any questions, or if you ever need anything at all feel free to call me at anytime!!

Hopefully that gets the point across, nicely :)

And now a few pictures!

~Tammy

One of the homes



Children's Homes

This is what all of the rooms looked like. Packed full with beds
and cribs.

Toby

Jonnie holding one of the boys who was desperate for attention.
I laughed because the boy was a big as him :)

Beth